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Thread: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

  1. #371

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    On a tour of the facilities, the new CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.

    He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?"

    "I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man.

    Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?"

    A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?"

    The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says,

    "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back."

    The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

    Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?"

    From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  2. #372

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
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    Edmonton
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    194

    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Just getting this thread going again......

    A pastor entered his prize donkey in a race and it won!

    The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

    The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

    The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR’S ASS.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

    The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free
    .

    The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

    They buried the Bishop the next day.

  3. #373

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  4. #374

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  5. #375

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  6. #376

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are working on a building site high above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.

    The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.
    "I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"

    Andrew, the Scot, opens his sandwiches, "Ach! haggis sandwiches! I'm sick of haggis sandwiches! If I get haggis sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"


    Paddy likewise opens his sandwiches, "Feck! potato sandwiches! I'm sick of potato sandwiches! If I get potato sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"


    The next days comes and, what do you know. Arthur has roast beef again. Without a word, he jumps from the 20th floor. Likewise, Andrew has haggis. Without so much as a whisper, he swan-dives the full 20 floors. Mournfully, Paddy eyes his potato sandwiches. With a final salute to the world, he too jumps off. All three men quite dead.


    At the funeral the tearful wife of the Englishman says, "All Arthur had to do was tell me he didn't like roast beef. I'd have made him another filling!" The wife of the Scotsman sniffs, "I loved my Andrew! I would have made him any sandwich he'd asked for, if he'd just said something!" The wife of the Irishman is quite unmoved, "The fecking idiot made his own sandwiches!"
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  7. #377

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    If you ever feel your job is worthless just remember there is someone out there installing turn signals on a BMW.
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  8. #378

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
    A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
    Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
    Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  9. #379

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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Only old dudes will get this joke.


    Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up to make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction ... they could call it Elon-gates.
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  10. #380

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    BC
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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

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